Codependency continued

So, how does a person stop the codependency behavior? My experience is this: if you did not know anything was wrong how can you change it? This brings up another issue; if you have always behaved in a codependent manner then you would not know anything was wrong, right?

Here comes the even tougher question. What about those of us that grew up codependent, while experiencing child abuse and neglect? Does this bring about the codependent behavior?

If I just don't cry, that will make them happy. If I just don't talk, then that will make them happy. If I just pretend I am invisible, then they won't see me, then they will be happy. Then I can be happy and safe. Simplistic right? Yes and no. A recognizable component to codependency? That seems a plausible thought process for a child. Action/reaction. Is this where the behaviors begin? I think yes. However; the lasting effects of the behavior, the process is devastating.

Imagine a child trying to please an adult every waking moment of every day. Constantly on guard. A child should be thinking which toy they are going to play with next, or coloring in a coloring book and learning and exploring her world. Playing outside with other children the games children play, like what kinds of games do kids play outside. I draw a blank right now. What are those games?

After I became very sick (I was hospitalized for severe major recurrent depression) I was told that my mother never held me, never picked me up as a baby. She dared anyone to pick me up when I cried. She said I do not want her spoiled. I was told I cried for 18 months after I was brought into this world. My sister said she would sneak and hold me.

Was I really invisible? Did I choose to be invisible? Did I vanish into thin air? I believe this to be true as incredible as it sounds.

I am not playing the blame game here. It was what it was and it was dysfunctional behavior on all parties involved.

My mother did the best she could, she believed she was doing the right thing; that I have no doubt. I do not think it was malicious in any manner on her part. I feel at this point in her life she was not capable of caring for a child in the proper manner.

Does it still qualify as negelct emotionally and physically? Yes I belive that it does. She was not available emotionally in a very critical part of my life that had lasting effects.

Did my behavior as an infant or child change her behavior? No. Did her behavior change or mold my behavior? Yes, yes it did sadly as I have learned over the last seven years of therapy.